X's On My Calendar

So the count down begins, and I'm down to less than two months before I'm leaving everything for a year. So you see I'm going to be an exchange student next year and as much as I'm excited to go I'm also terrified beyond the point that anyone will ever know [because no one will ever feel this]. When I first decided to do this I saw it as my ticket out of Hayward, a way to escape [if only momentarily] from the ignorance and drama...as if teens are somehow so very different millions of miles away.
and I say I'm excited to come back "that" much stronger...
I am truly in love with life and everything it gives me. I'm not really afraid of being somewhere where I know no one, but really it's putting my life on pause back home. This year I've worked so hard and I don't plan on stopping, but sometimes I worry it won't be the same somewhere else. It's hard to imagine running for anyone other an Hayward and coach O, true I run for myself, but that team has become my family. And Mr. Pierce, I was not really sure why I was going to miss him until this last ski season. He has this way of pushing me, making me want it that much more, now whenever I race it's only his voice I hear yelling over the murmur of everyone else. And Mr. Morales, I would be the worst skier ever without him, he's pretty much my ski dad. There are all these people that I think I'll miss because well, I'm just so used to them being there everyday in my life.
It's really hard...it is just so much easier to "be brave" or "fearless", so much easier to make it seem like ten months isn't that long at all, in reality...It's anything but small.
Some people are supportive, others are supportive only because they care about me, but really they don't want me to leave. I seem to enjoy making things complicated, and that is just no good.
People have come to surprise me every day, some good some bad.
Some people can't help but make me feel guilty for leaving... They make me want to scream, "But I'm coming back!"
Some people will be glad to see me go.
Some people will make leaving so hard, so very hard.
Some person keeps me tongue tied. (as if avoiding comes naturally)
As if some people never cease to amaze me.
These people have never been more Human before.